3:07am I love this font.


We all dream or so I'm told. We all have wants, needs, desires, complaints. You'll never understand everything and I bet that scares you.

I want to purchase a calendar so I can mark off the days until I'm studying abroad. I don't know what country I'll be poisoning but I do know it'll most likely be in the European Union, NATO, Europe, across the pond. When I arrive, I want to be looked at as a slice of Americana. I want to be known as American. Fuck blending in. I enjoy my Hawaiian shirts and fedoras. Dickie work pants and shorts. There's several different kinds of Americans.

I'm going to try and not be known as one of the ignorant kinds.


I wouldn't mind being the Dirty Harry but he was too violent for my taste. I love the character, but I'm not the violent type. It has to be possible to be known as an American in Europe without that bad taste of Budweiser in the mouth...right?


Dairy...Dairy...Dairy...

Milk...Milk...Milk...
Juice Juice Juice blah blah blah blah

I'm afraid my job is going to catch on that I lied about my college education. That I really don't go to St. Johns but instead in the middle of bumblefuck Massachusetts. Actually, it's more like North West bumblefuck. I'll probably look up the buildings on St. Johns campus to continue this lie. I know people would tell me to just come clean and be open about it, "I'm leaving in the Fall for College, I'm sorry for lying but I just needed the job to keep myself sane and to get money in my wallet." This white lie though is helping me. It's teaching me how to greet and communicate with the every day world and play their game. I want to get into marketing and maybe law, so I have to learn how to lie somehow. Small talk. I think that's really all it takes.

It bothers me that whenever I meet someone new all I can think about is, "So what makes them scream in anger? What causes them to break down and have tears roll down their face? Is he abusing his wife? Is she being put down by everyone in her family because she can't keep a stable b/f? Does he go home and cry himself to sleep because his kids won't look at him the same since their mother died? Does he have a criminal record that he hopes every day no one will ever find out about? " I think too much.

Can you have an Identity Crisis in your sixth development stage? Psychology would most likely point to No but lately I'm in a wave of change. I have a new habit of wanting to just break the rules, completely change Life's pace. I want to take the rulebooks and throw them out the window. Every person goes through a stage of rebellion but to me this is different because it's my stage of rebellion. I don't want it to just be a phase, just the average human being phase. I want it to rattle as many cages as possible. I'm not talking about doing something stupid, I'm talking about spreading the word to others. Helping people realize what rules can be and can't be broken and if they can't be broken, how to bend, create and master the ways.

My life was based around doing it my way. Doing the bare minimum. If I was put in a situation I had to do something, I found the loophole. Every dead end you pushed me into, I found the secret exit. Fuck escaping now. The past two years have taught me how to play it their way. If you can get away if you have to, and that's how you've been surviving, imagine how you could be if you were to learn your opponents rules and ways. Beat your rival with his own game plan. Beating someone at their own game is much more glorious then just simply escaping. If you escape, they'll always be chasing, but if you confront and play it their way and win, the ball will always be in your court.

I'm expecting the figures on my window sill to melt, warp or become discolored. They're a reminder of my youth, life and story.

"Just photos and memories then?"

"Exactly, just photos and memories."

"Welcome Home to the USA."