I miss her...

I also need a new iPod.

I'll move to Paris...

"I'm feeling rough, I'm feeling raw, I'm in the prime of my life.
Let's make some music, make some money, find some models for wives.
I'll move to Paris, shoot some heroin, and fuck with the stars.
You man the island and the cocaine and the elegant cars."


32 hours of work this week. I know I won't enjoy it.

I wonder how much Listerine you can drink before getting sick.
I wonder how many marshmallows you can eat before you pop.
I wonder how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop, and don't you dare tell me three.
I wonder how close to the sun you can fly before your wings melt.
I wonder how far I will have to go from home before I'm home sick.
I wonder if she'll ever love me.
I wonder when I'll be at peace with Life.
I wonder who will be the first to get married out of my friends.
I wonder if I'll be scared when that day comes.
I wonder whether or not Europe will take me in with open arms when I go to study abroad.
I wonder why you haven't called.
I wonder how the tropics are treating you.
I wonder if I'll go down in the history books, like the actual history books, the ones they teach in High School.
I wonder if tomorrow will be just as bad as today.
I wonder what goes on in your head when our eyes meet.
I wonder what it'll take to save you from yourself.
I wonder if I'll actually learn how to cook next semester.
I wonder why science has yet to create the most delicious cake.
I wonder when I'll go thank all the people that helped carve the person I am today.


I wonder what a sandwich made up of gummy words, peanut butter and mashed bananas tastes like. I bet like crap.

If you don't mind, would you pull up a seat? I'm quite lonely at the bar.

I'll go treasure searching one day and dig up the most beautiful artifact ever in honor of you.

Autumn brings the cold and foliage as well as FEDORAS!

Fedoras?! YES FEDORAS!

When will you learn that all you do is cause pain? Get off your high horse already. Well, actually it seems as though your horse is dead. SO STOP BEATING IT....OFF.

The Hunter S. Thompson of today. I'm a man made of flesh, blood, bone and steel. My veins are made of fiber optics. The only thing poring out of my mouth is data, terabytes worth. You probably don't want to hear what I have to say but every time you turn that faucet, you'll hear the raw roaring of the metal in the sink bending and scraping against itself. I hope your joints cringe. I know mine do. Your eyelids will flicker. You'll bite down a bit on your tongue while your ears just pray your brain can already forget that sound just happened. No one likes it when the senses take control of how the rest of your body works. Powerless to smell, sight, touch, taste and ...wtf would be the word for noise in this situation? Fuck it. Fuck you.

Bananas.

I think they're on to me, didn't anybody tell you?

Let's plan a vacation to someplace sunny, hot and tropical. When we burn it down, it'll look just as beautiful.

Milk spill.

"I was framed. Everyone is out to get me."

I know the old man Denin meant it as a joke but I still feel like there was serious tone behind it. Has he seen that dark side of life?

"You only live once, so you should make sure you get the best in life, no matter the price." I understood completely what that old lady meant although we were only talking about Orange Juice, her statement goes up and beyond just OJ.

"Which Orange Juice is on sale?"
"Florida Natural, I hear it's pretty bad though."
"Eh, it can't kill me, right? Exactly, so no big deal."

But yet I also agree with the 20-something year old guy that was scraping by his pennies. It's just orange juice. (GOD DAMMIT HOW IS DOESN'T SPELLED WRONG? I THOUGHT DOESN'T WAS A WORD! Well, two...together, but yeah, why does doesn't keep coming up wrong?) Orange Juice doesn't ruin your life. So yes, the Old Lady is right that you should not (shouldn't is spelled wrong too?! WTF) settle for second best but there are exceptions where second best isn't bad. It's just second. Having Florida Natural won't ruin (I love how won't is spelled right though) your life. Maybe it's the age difference.

80 year old ladies don't want to settle for second best Orange Juice

Damn hipster teenagers want whatever is on sale because they need to spend their money on things which are much more important. I don't know what is more important than Orange Juice, but if you figure it out, let me know.

Maybe alcohol. Yeah, that makes sense.

You miss nothing but elegant nights of pure lust and cheap wine.

Damn skank.

BOLD ITALIC

I'm an animal trapped in your hot car

I don't know why but lately whenever I nap and leave the fan on, my fingers hurt when I wake up. Like the fingertips to be more exact. I don't understand it. Maybe my fingers are telling me they're about to fall off.

The sky was dark today. It didn't seem too happy. Oh well, we all have off days I guess. I've been having too many lately and it is beginning to annoy me.


I'm a huge fan of the cold in the bedroom, like a cold pillow or blanket, they just feel so delicious. If you wonder how could something feel delicious, well then you just haven't felt many things in your life. Get out there and start touching EVERYTHING.

The cleaning lady keeps moving all of my stuff that looks obviously set up. Maybe I'll leave a sign and tell her "BACK OFF OR ELSE" but that might lead her to well, not cleaning.

I don't really like where this post is going. This is why it's so hard for me to keep a journal, a blog, or whatever else they want to call writing notes down. I critique my own work that isn't even being presented to the World. Maybe that says a lot about me. I have so many issues with questioning my own thoughts, that my criticisms towards my journals and well, this blog, is just that, me criticizing the way I think and act. Life is just a big ball of fuzzy confusion.

Slice of Americana. I love how that sounds. My roommates not surprised that I've taken a liking to that saying. I can't tell if that's a compliment or an insult? Maybe neither, just an observation. Is it really that bad to come off as just American, even to America's youth nowadays? Or do the people I spend most my time with, just so not into that idea? Or maybe having me around is enough to fill their quota for someone like that.

Draft autosaved at 1:37am OMGZ

I could use a vacation. I don't know why I say that. Maybe it's an excuse for me to travel. Maybe it's everyones excuse. "Boss, I need to take off for a week so I can travel." That doesn't sound as good as "Boss, I'm going to go on vacation for a week." Just doesn't have that kind of ring to it. Or maybe society is the reason it doesn't have that ring. I'll look into it for you, don't worry.

My completion of watching the series Dexter has given me more time on my hands. What will I do now? Read? Video games? Magic tricks? Prank calls? Dancing? DANCING! Nah, not dancing.

France or Greece?
Paris or SPARTA
Romance or VIOLENCE
Wine or BLOOD
Modern Art or HISTORY
Beaches or BEACHES
Cheese or GREEK SALAD

Those caps really do make Greece more tempting. I guess they're right when they say how you present something determines its success. Oh duh, yeah marketing. I'm majoring in it.

Let's cuddle in the stars
NOW!!!!

I haven't had Wings Over yet this summer and it makes me sad. I'm going to this week. That's it. I'm determined. Wings in my belly. LEVEL FIVE THIS TIME BABY

3:07am I love this font.


We all dream or so I'm told. We all have wants, needs, desires, complaints. You'll never understand everything and I bet that scares you.

I want to purchase a calendar so I can mark off the days until I'm studying abroad. I don't know what country I'll be poisoning but I do know it'll most likely be in the European Union, NATO, Europe, across the pond. When I arrive, I want to be looked at as a slice of Americana. I want to be known as American. Fuck blending in. I enjoy my Hawaiian shirts and fedoras. Dickie work pants and shorts. There's several different kinds of Americans.

I'm going to try and not be known as one of the ignorant kinds.


I wouldn't mind being the Dirty Harry but he was too violent for my taste. I love the character, but I'm not the violent type. It has to be possible to be known as an American in Europe without that bad taste of Budweiser in the mouth...right?


Dairy...Dairy...Dairy...

Milk...Milk...Milk...
Juice Juice Juice blah blah blah blah

I'm afraid my job is going to catch on that I lied about my college education. That I really don't go to St. Johns but instead in the middle of bumblefuck Massachusetts. Actually, it's more like North West bumblefuck. I'll probably look up the buildings on St. Johns campus to continue this lie. I know people would tell me to just come clean and be open about it, "I'm leaving in the Fall for College, I'm sorry for lying but I just needed the job to keep myself sane and to get money in my wallet." This white lie though is helping me. It's teaching me how to greet and communicate with the every day world and play their game. I want to get into marketing and maybe law, so I have to learn how to lie somehow. Small talk. I think that's really all it takes.

It bothers me that whenever I meet someone new all I can think about is, "So what makes them scream in anger? What causes them to break down and have tears roll down their face? Is he abusing his wife? Is she being put down by everyone in her family because she can't keep a stable b/f? Does he go home and cry himself to sleep because his kids won't look at him the same since their mother died? Does he have a criminal record that he hopes every day no one will ever find out about? " I think too much.

Can you have an Identity Crisis in your sixth development stage? Psychology would most likely point to No but lately I'm in a wave of change. I have a new habit of wanting to just break the rules, completely change Life's pace. I want to take the rulebooks and throw them out the window. Every person goes through a stage of rebellion but to me this is different because it's my stage of rebellion. I don't want it to just be a phase, just the average human being phase. I want it to rattle as many cages as possible. I'm not talking about doing something stupid, I'm talking about spreading the word to others. Helping people realize what rules can be and can't be broken and if they can't be broken, how to bend, create and master the ways.

My life was based around doing it my way. Doing the bare minimum. If I was put in a situation I had to do something, I found the loophole. Every dead end you pushed me into, I found the secret exit. Fuck escaping now. The past two years have taught me how to play it their way. If you can get away if you have to, and that's how you've been surviving, imagine how you could be if you were to learn your opponents rules and ways. Beat your rival with his own game plan. Beating someone at their own game is much more glorious then just simply escaping. If you escape, they'll always be chasing, but if you confront and play it their way and win, the ball will always be in your court.

I'm expecting the figures on my window sill to melt, warp or become discolored. They're a reminder of my youth, life and story.

"Just photos and memories then?"

"Exactly, just photos and memories."

"Welcome Home to the USA."