Looks to seem you're having beginner's luck

Most people cut their fingers on the thorns

During their first day of work

But you have no problem trimming along

Picking along and holding the stems between your teeth

The petals really do reflect well in your eyes

and I think there's pollen in your hair

Oh, well since I'm known through the garden for being cliche

I must comment on the aroma in the air

Something is growing between us and well,

I think we should probably cut the roots before

It grounds itself in

You dress like an old woman

I don't know why nor do I care

I can't wait to see how you dress

Later on in life when you're all withered out

Take me to the movies

Take me out to sea

Take me to make-out peak

Take me for a walk

Take me out to dinner

Hold my hand while we talk

Stare deeply into my eyes

Tell me you love me

Tell me there's no one else

Tell me you could never replace me

Let me know how you really feel

I want you to hold me

I want to be only yours

I want us to settle down together

I'd love to have a home

I think I'm getting ahead of myself

But that's okay

There's nothing wrong with doing the same thing

Every other couple does on their first date

Thinking with our young hearts and not our minds

That's fun in it, right? Right...?

He said to me the other day, "We're gold-diggers, you know?" I don't know why he says these things. "Really *insert name*? I thought we were just doing a service. Happiness does come at a price." His laughter always makes me cringe. It really reminds me of when I'd go watch my friends practice in their terrible band when I was younger. The drums always made me wince, always.

I want to see you looking right at me.

One day, you'll see, things were a lot better on this side of the sea.

Knocking down his door, you're such a big bad wolf. Huffing down on his straw, you're such a big bad wolf. Don't you pick on his stick, you big bad wolf, the food chain has no need for you. So go on with yourself. Pick up your feet and head out of this town. Let the pigs settle down and start families. We don't want you. We don't need you. You're a wolf and we have no need.

I never thought I could be so bold to take a stance against what was coming out of your mouth. Sometimes knowledge has to take a stance against babble bullshit. There's no point in letting you poison our youth.

Let the whales continue on their path. Giant Squids let them rest. Stop grabbing on so tight. Keep your suctions to yourself.

Stop drop and quit kidding yourself, we'll eventually pack up and move out of this band. I don't know why you're so bent out of the shape about the way things have been going. This city is seeing hard times but I doubt there's any place better. Keep dreaming of Barcelona. Keep thinking about the Gold Coast off of Sydney. Keep telling yourself the Big Apple has gone rotten but you've just out grown your own tastes. There's no reasons why you can't move to another borough. Manhattan may now be too young for you to grind against your waist but there's no reason, no reason Queens can't service you just as well.

And I think it's gonna be a long long time...

FOR BOWIE

I'm going to move in with you one day just so we can share a bed and a montly rent. We'll switch paying the utilities because sometimes well, it might make it cute and romantic in that kind of lame way. Maybe we'll have different spots of the apartment to get our alone space or maybe just maybe, we'll have alone time in the bed together, not looking at talking to one another because couples don't talk when they're mad at each other. I won't talk but I won't have a problem triyng to find out if you're still ticklish at the moment

"Here drink this, I need to talk to you about something. I got you a large coffee with a lot of sugar so you can stay up all night thinking over all the things you did that fucked this up.'

I want to tell you about all the things I saw across this grand country and how they all relate to me. I'm going to go into every little detail about the red worn out barn I saw near Lake Michigan. I won't forget to mention the blue birds and the disgusting roadkill. I hope the stories won't bore you but I know you'll just be happy to see me, to hear me. Maybe someday you'll be able to write a novel with me about all the journies across the seven seas but I doubt it. Well, I know it won't happen because you're with him and he's with you, I was pushed to the side and that's just how life is going to be but that's okay because if he can get you to smile, well, then that's just how it should be.

THAT'S FOR BOWIE.

"I'm going to turn that into a really angry song with lots of breakdowns but it'll be beautifully written. WORKS THE BEST. NIGGAZ LOVE THAT SHIT!"

Will I be a late 20 / early 30 hipster living in the streets of Brooklyn? Counting away all the hours in the day hoping something exciting will come my way? It's NYC. There's something exciting somewhere in it, right? Right? Is NYC still the best City on the face of the planet? Or has the crown been passed and we just don't realize it? We do tend to keep to ourselves on a personal level. Yes, I said personal level, government level, don't get me started. But anyway, yes personal level we have our noses in briefcases, laptops, palm pilots...wait..no one says palm pilot anymore, everyone says black berry. I just realized this now? Wow. I guess I'm out of my own generation's technological loop.

Everyone expects a point of interest or a plot. Forward movement. What is wrong with being stationary? Nothing. If you're content, if you're happy, if you want it to stay the same, why can't it? I know the World keeps moving. People keep growing. Things continue to change but you don't have to. Sure, you might be tossed to the side by everyone and everything, but you don't have to change. You can stay stubborn. You can be ignorant. You can choose to be thickheaded if you really want to. Someone is still bound to love you. It's rare to push everyone away. Some people, well, their legs are just cemented into the ground, into the blacktop pavement of the school's playground where you two would fight over which Power Ranger was better, white was obviously the best, or which Pokemon cards you wanted to trade and if the trade was fair. It doesn't matter the value of the card, the "coolness" factor outweighs any value of a dollar in a child's eyes.

I love the smell in the air of christmas season. Some people enjoy the presents. Some really like the holiday paycheck bonus. While others love seeing old friends and family and watching TV.

My hair is getting long.

Writing conversation never works well for me, so I just don't write it at all.

Can you get me some bread?

From where?

From there.

I don't know what you're point at.

So look.

I am looking, I don't see any bread.

It's underneath all that stuff.

Oh, why didn't you say that before?

I figured you'd know.

Well I didn't.

I'm sorry but just the bread is usually under stuff.

But how often do you see me use the bread?

I don't know.

Exactly, so why would you think I'd know?

I don't know, I just thought you knew.

I think you have a problem.

What?

I think you have a problem.

No, I heard you, what do you mean?

I think you have a mental problem, you keep assuming people know what you mean. Why?

I don't know, I just guess I think I'm pretty straight forward but as the days go on I find out more and more from people how weird I appear to be.

You don't just appear it, you are it.

I am it? Oh, weird, right. I guess. There's nothing wrong with that though, so I don't see the big fuss.

Well, you are right in that there is nothing really wrong with being weird. You're just not part of the average anymore. You're in your own column. Which unfortunately, I guess in norms, isn't the column you want to be in.

What? Why? Why not? Why is that a problem?

Whenever someone else is being weird, they aren't going to compare them to the majority since we now have you. You'll be the comparison for the first test to find out if someone else is weird. If they add up to you, then it's real easy to determine if they are weird. However, the problem also with having another column of people is, now we there could be another trial. While with you, yes we only had to compare you to everyone else. Now it goes, new person to you, new person to everyone else but only if if the first test doesn't show much result. Wow, this is going to be complicated discriminating.

So don't discriminate?

I'm realistic, I sort of have to.

You have to?

Well yeah, I just can't help but hate some people. Not because of their race or orientation or any of that, but just how they act. I hate some people based on how they act. I can't help it. Those people probably hate me too but that's fine. I don't think it's a problem if someone hates me and I hate them. Actually, let's scratch the whole word hate, I don't really hate those people per say, just really dislike them and I guess if they stepped out into the street and a truck was coming, they'd die only due to the fact of well, I had to debate long and hard on whether or not I wanted to save their life.

...I'm sorry I asked for the bread.

Monday/Wednesday

History of India also Friday

1-1:50

Global Business & Economic Issues

2-3:15

Tuesday/Thursday

The Popular Arts As Business

11-12:15

Science & Spirit

12:30-1:45

Economics of Culture & Tourism

2-3:15

Concepts in Biology / Lab

6:30-9:15

Holy Fuck Tuesdays / Thursdays Are Going To Suck

Care to shoot the shit?

Do you mind being an ear for my voice?

Or will it just be that you already know

What I want to say

I'm the American Classic

That's been sitting on your shelf

Ever since you were young

All your teachers preach

Speaking of the lessons you'll learn

From me

You're supposed to already know

What will happen

That's the beauty of it

Life isn't as easy as our parents

Want to make it seem

And life isn't as hard as the

TV makes it out to be

But trust me

You'll do fine

Find your balance

I'd love to write the next American classic but you can't really shoot for that, can you?

What would I write about?

A troubled teen from Long Island?

So cliché

Sometimes you just have to close the door in their face when they say, "I guess this means, have a good life?" Maybe it won't hit you immediately after you hear the slam or even after you go downstairs on the Fourth of July to continue watching the Twilight Zone marathon but days later, weeks later, maybe months or well, actually, probably years, it'll start to dwell in your head. The weight will just sink in your heart and you'll scramble through your phonebook and search across the world wide web looking for their number or email.

Where am I going with this?

Drugs, Sodomy and the White Picket Fence

Welcome to my Life

You'll probably read through it

In one sitting

It's going to be an easy read

And that's the point

I want to be a level

That Everyone Can Relate To

The human body

Spirit and Heart

Aren't complicated

Don't let your science teacher

Professor or idol

Tell you otherwise

We are all the same

We are all of the same

Don't you fucking know what you are?

My heart sinks everytime I stumble onto a hint. Things at this age never seem to get easier. Everyone at this point in time just seems to be a walking contradiction. It's rare to find someone who is well, simply true.

She's the most poetic person I know.

My neck feels like it needs to be cracked, popped, massaged. It's so stiff.

I'm afraid of what tomorrow brings. I love to plan out every detail and watch it all come into play. I like to dictate. I like to be the director. I like to take someone else's work and apply it to my nature but I'm always afraid something won't go according to plan. There will be a slip up. There will be some change. The main actors will be sick. The actress will get in an accident. The script rewrites will never be made.

It's a scary thought to know how it will all end.

I don't want to be a bitter battered man. I don't want to be afraid of love. I don't want to burn bridges. I don't want to bomb villages. I want to build cities. I want to ride trains.

I wish Alaska in Winter had lyrics posted online.

I'm going to be living in a House with Six Other Human Beings.

I really have no clue what to expect from my life. I just hope a bed is waiting for me there in North Adams. I hope there is furniture for me to use. I hope I'm greeted. I hope I receive hugs, hand shakes and more. I wonder who the new characters will be in this year's season. I wonder who won't return, who will. I wonder about the cameos, the change of scenario and wacky antics. There's plenty of well developed secondary characters, I really have no clue where anything will go. I prefer it that way. I like it that way. I want life to take me along not just show me the way.

I want to be a better person not for you, not for them, not for my family but for myself. I've spent most of my life learning how to be on the offense, how to be on the hunt. No more hunting for me. I'm going to stand on the sidelines and smell those flowers. Maybe even plant my own. I'd like to say it's possible I'll start smiling but that really might be asking for too much.

24 Credits in Autumn

25 Credits in Spring

I'm a fuckin beast

Am I really going to go venture off to Japan to spread wisdom of the English language? I'm beginning to get torn. I want to see the World. I want to get out there. I want that change of pace. This part of the East Coast is starting to get thin. Maybe Philadelphia could be another home. I don't know how my brother waited so long to move out. I don't know how my sister has never left for more than a week.

Everyone should experience living on their own.

I want to learn how to sing, well, presentably and sing about all the typical love drama only the teenagers are used to.

David Bowie you're so suave.

Woke up, fell out of bed, dragged a comb across my head.

How do you top another musician? You do what he does best and make it better.

Those extra three seconds of I'm Looking Through You on the US version of Rubber Soul, just makes the song that wee bit better.

I'll never get tired of waking up next to you

And staring into those big ol' eyes

Oh come on, it won't be such a big deal.

Let's rent, not buy.

The market is much too high

For me, for us to be able to afford

The beautiful house on the beach

You always wished for

We'll rent now under someone else's roof

And save away those pennies

Until we can trade them in for pebbles of sand

On the shore

I promise you one day

You'll get the balcony looking out into the sea

I won't quit my job

And I'll keep myself still

Holding out through all the pencil pushing

Executive blood boiling office world

Just so can I get you the white picket fence

Around the kelly green grass

It sounds pretty cliche

But at that point in our life

I think that is what we'll need

To settle down and stop swimming against

reality's tough current

Smiles await you when you rise

I promise I'll be everything you want me to be

The musical talent of George

The peaceful soul of John

The maturity of Paul and

With a little bit of the gookyness of Ringo Starr.

Boy, you're going to carry that weight

A Long Time

I promise you I won't have any issues investing your love

There'll be plenty of buyers

Especially in such a heated market like the one

We see today

You would think families would stop ordering out

Put aside the take out

Maybe learn to cook for a change

But no, it's strange, they just simply can't get enough

Of what you do best

You will be this agency's ace in the hole

In this harsh economic climate

People are forgetting how to love

And I know, you'll help them out

Rain or shine.

I'm a critic of everything. Maybe I should have my own column on the front page of Life.

Why don't I write like I used to? What is it? What's wrong?

So hear me out,

Maybe we should start to be a little more..

You know, what's the word I'm thinking of?

Cliche

That's it, you always know the missing words in my sentence.s

It seems to be that we're drifting apart from society

And I started to notice this when your mother

Bought us a new table cloth

And I just gave her a blank stare

Why do we need a new table cloth?

What's wrong with this one?

What's wrong with the one we have been using for seven years thus far?

I'm out of touch of reality and the norms

Maybe I should read more.

Where's my Catcher in the Rye?

My father would take me out fishing

Once a week, Every week

Throughout my summer break

He told me we were looking for Mermaids

We'd find the most beautiful two

And they'd take us away from the terrible

Place called Land

I'd always ask,

"What about mom? But...what about mommy?

We can't leave mommy. She can come too right?"

And he'd always say,

"She's not made for the sea, she'll be on land until the day

She dies."

When my parents divorced,

It hit my Father harder,

I guess because well, it was out of his hands.

He didn't want to keep carpenting,

His hobbies all fell apart and he took his savings

Bought himself a boat and left shore.

Mother moved to Tennessesse with her new lover

He's a lawyer

Not that it really matters

Well, to my Father it does,

He's convinced her new husband won her over

With his devilish looks and split snake tongue.

I wonder if he meant the sexual inneundo.

It's strange to watch your Father's heart break

My parents had seen mine shattered at least three times

"There's plenty of fish out in the sea."

Of course there is but you'll never find that one in particular again.

Maybe you'll find a new breed.

You'll get that better catch

But it's never the same fish,

Actually, if you set them back out, it could be

But let's take that possibility out.

I couldn't tell him that. I couldn't pat him on the back,

"Dad, don't worry, you'll find a better one!"

What catch will be better than a high school sweet heart

Who gave birth to his only son?

When he pulled into a dock,

I was the only one he called.

He'd only be there for a few days

If I wanted to see him

If I wanted to talk

I'd have to fly out there and meet with him

"I'll eventually pay you back for the ticket,

When I get it all back together."

I never let him pay me back.

"What have you been doing Dad, out on sea I mean? Thinking?"

"Mostly. I brought a bunch of calendars with me from previous years

I have been trying to pin point the day your mother stopped loving me."

Well that was garbage.

I wish I was a witty cynical bastard like John Cleese.

Post 101.

I stared into the ocean yesterday

I went through trails in nature only a few blocks away from my house

Frozen Yogurt

Friendship, it's beautiful.

I wonder if anyone saw us last night.

Did they laugh when she couldn't find her keys?

Girls have such big bags.

"I stopped writing...maybe out of spite."

That's such a lame excuse on my part. I stopped writing because I'm afraid I lost it. I did lose something, the spark, the inspiration. I just need someone to be a fire in my life. I don't need a love. I don't need an emotional whirlwind. I just need a star to shoot for. I'm tired of games where I won't know the outcome. Let's write it all down on paper, shall we? Let's make the rules. Let's make the guidelines. Let's ensure it'll end with both of us winning, I'm tired of losing sometimes and I'm tired of seeing the female cry if the game doesn't go her way.

Transparency. Glass really can be a beautiful thing. The water can be beautiful too when you can see right through it. We saw a horseshoe crab.

I really want to do this one.

Okay, story time, ready?

I wonder when I'll figure it all out

Or at least a good enough portion

That I'll be able to say to my children

"Trust me on this...you don't ever want to do that"

When will my Sherlock Holmes instincts kick in?

Why can't I figure out the mystery?

---

----

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----

---

Can you open your eyes?

Okay okay okay okay, let's start from the beginning. I don't know where life will take me, I'm only 21 years old. Take it a day at a time. Let us do one step, let's two step and maybe skip the rest of the way down the block.

Frozen Yogurt. Walks around the block. Ocean dwelling sitting at the dock. Maybe we can buy this house or maybe just jump from place to place hoping it all works out. I want to do just what this situation needs me to. He stole your guitar hero and I don't want to steal your heart. Open up your open up your throat. Horseshoe crabs are never same when they're on their on back. Flip 'em over. Flip 'em over. Pick a park, pick a bench, I'll bring a book, you can bring yours. We'll read a few chapters and exchange them between each other every time. I'll take pauses to stare at the sky, you'll take your breaks to watch the swans float on by. You say it's an Alien. I say it's a plane. You say it's a Star, a Planet, nope, Aliens. I'll say it's a plane and I was right, there it goes, flying on by.

I looked like a 1970s Cocaine Dealer from Miami, if you can be seen with me in public like that, it must mean for something.

They blew up all their poppy fields. Serves them right.

I'm a New York City wonder. You'll find me next door to the city's boroughs. I'll live out on the Island and commute into the city's lagoon.

Red Hot Chili Peppers.

Sit up straight, I'm on a double date.

-

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-

-

-

My hair looks so childish. It has the hook like Lucas from Mother 3. Maybe I should bleach it blonde and wear his lame little outfits.

The windows are getting dirty. I think someone should clean them. We should probably clean them. I think a lot of things are getting dirty in my life and I think it all needs cleaning. I know you've been offering to help. I know you've been suggesting for a long time now to stop using the closet as a hiding place for my junk but that's just what I'm used to. I don't want you to help me clean. I don't need you to help me clean. I think I want to just sit and feel filthy.

We can go down to the carnival and look at all the old couples. We can look. We can watch. We can stare. We can talk about what we never were. I don't see myself being 70 with anyone sharing Candyfloss. I always found it strange the only choices are ever blue or pink. Once I asked my Father for a different colour because he was running the Candyfloss machine at the school fair and he mixed the two and made me purple. My father made me purple Candyfloss because why not? He could.

I know this is a pen. I know how to count by threes. There's no way I'd forget what comes after seventeen. I'll tell you how to play poker, rummy and solitaire. I could probably teach you how to build a home personal pc. I could teach a puppy how to sit, how to shake hands/paws, run and be silly but I can't teach anyone how to love. If I'm lucky I'll be able to go a long time without seeing another mind die. I don't want to be scarred. I'm too tough to be hurt. I'm too strong to cry.

Penny. Nickle. Dime. Quarter. Half-Dollar. Dollar. The half-dollar was obviously shafted. He's the younger brother of the dollar. He will always live in the shadow of the Bill. See what I did there?

One day I think I'll dump everything at University and move onto bigger and better things like the seven seas. Men among men will teach me anything and everything they know. I'll be able to tie so many knots and trust me, you'll see, I will arrive at a new dock somewhere in the caribbean with a better mindset or will I? Whenever I plan out tomorrow, yesterday tries its best to sneak up on me. Oh yesterday, you had your time and your chance but now today is here to show me the path and whether it's right or wrong I can always look towards tomorrow in hope I'll stay strong.

Jesus H. Christ

HIS LAST NAME IS CHRIST?

No silly.

Oh, look out!

Didn't anybody tell her?

So we're heading down to Philly to show the rents what it's like to be on your own and I don't think they're really ready to hear about all of the antics of my half-witted sister. I say she's half-witted because this one well, you know what, ask her why I call her, it makes for a better story after she tells your HER side.

Didn't anybody tell her?

Didn't anybody see?

Sundays on the phone to Monday.

Tuesdays on the phone to me.

Oh Tuesday, you're such a fucking slut.

Loud drums. Heavy bass.

I always picture myself, sitting there, staring at you in disbelief. Your mouth is moving a mile a minute, everything you're saying is meaningless, artifical, plastic credit card bullshit that you keep using and damn, well your payment is going to be so huge, I really don't think you will ever be able to afford to pay me back for all that time you wasted, wait what? I will always get coffee because I can't enjoy coffee anymore, and I need something that will last me forever so I can focus so much time and energy on that. Say something stupid? Sip. Retard? Sip. Mind-blowing dumb? Sip. Crazy? Sip. You'veGottaBeKiddingMe? Sip. Sip. Sip. Sipppp. I'll make sure of it that you always leave before me. I'll need to sit there and sip on that coffee while you're gone. "I can't believe she said all of that."

If you always get up late, you'll never be on time.

I'll be doing something important someday. I will be branding a piece of the World. I'll be building bridges, buildings and communication webs with my bare hands. That's speaking figuratively, don't let it get to your head. No, I will not be a construction worker. No, I will not be a social worker. I will be a crafter. Not of fine arts or pottery but of the social structors we'll need to thrive. Thrive. I love that word. I will thrive.

The kids are on fire in the bedroom.

If I do build an empire, I wonder if one day I'll just throw it away and hand it to the people, just to send a message to the other Kings and Queens. Everything you have will return to them. The heights of your tallest buildings will crumble and taste the ground. Your throne can't stay in the clouds forever. No peace treaty will remain war free. Up = Down. You need balance in your life. You can control somethings but not everything. Even with Legos and Play-doh, you can't do everything. You can't control it all. You're limited, the directions never say instruct that.

Oh come on, you knew from the beginning the concert had to end. The fireworks had to stop. Enjoy them while they last. Smell that flower, that rose, that violet before it dies. Your favorite musician won't see 99 neither will your parents. It's all stepping stones. It's all bricks in the wall. It's all building points.

What am I ever getting? I was told tonight, I'm rationale. I'm focused. I was raised properly to respect my surroundings. Most of the people my age don't. I criticize that and I yell. I bash and complain. I rip to shreds everything around me in hopes of understanding. Why? Why? Why? I'd tear it apart to the DNA if I could. I'll bring it to the Pearly Gates in the end if I can. I'm beginning to think, this is normal though. This is how it's supposed to be. I'm ahead of the game but I might be losing out on the time where the freedom is there for the calling before it's taken away.

This Is Life There Are No Right Answers

It's all a system. It's all their system. It can be your system if you choose to accept it but you don't have to. You do not have to play the game. Nothing forces you to play the game. You choose every day to roll the dice. You choose continuously over and over to keep picking up those cards. Take and play the hand you're dealt or fold and go home. You can even go all in if you'd like, I won't force you how to play your hand, I might suggest it, I might scream it, but I will never force you to play a hand you don't want to play. I might scold you tonight, tomorrow, for a year or forever about how you shouldn't have played that hand or how you should have but you know what, in the end, on my death bed, I will not take any of those moments to heart because it was your hand and you ultimately decide how it is played. Don't let anyone else play your hand.

Go out there and make a name for yourself.

Bring back the Wild West if you must.

There's nothing wrong with wearing a scarf. I find them stylish. I find them cute. I find them warm and everything in between. I love having a scarf that was made for me, made for someone and passed down through a salvation army to get to me. I love purple ones and blue ones and even pink, orange and green ones. I love them in the cold. I love them in the heat. I love thick and thin. I love short ones and ones that go down to my knees. They're comfortable. They're warm. They make me think of home and the ones I love and the ones that love me. I love to nap in them.

God made the Automobile.

Oh baby baby baby please, how long am I supposed to wait? I think about you nightly, oh can you tell I'm losing sleep? What am I supposed to do? It's hard to stay cool, when you smile at me, I get nervous everytime you speak.

My bed is too big for just me.

My bed, actually, is just perfect for me.

Did you know that I'm going to own this town someday and I'll change its name. I'll burn it down and start a new. I'll remove all traces of you because that is how I want it.

One day I'll paint the town your favorite colour and burn it down because well, simply that is how I roll.

Let's run away together.

You're not the Princess I grew up with.

What did you do with our Queen?

I ATE HER!?!?!

Blow out that Cherry Bomb, for me?

I love birthday cakes, I love cakes in general. The cake is not a lie and I hate to break the news to you but it's not funny. Memes are funny for a week. A month, tops. Well, that is according to my personal opinion.

According to my two cents, I have twenty pennies.

You're wrong, I'm right. He's lost. She's gone.

So much facial hair!

Chad Vangaalen is so brilliant in all of the things he does but some songs mostly because of his voice, can just be so fucking eerie.

The bags under my eyes keep getting bigger. I want sleep. I want peace and quiet.

"I'll find you and I'll kill you, I'll find you and I'll kill you, I'll find you and I'll kill you."

I don't ever talk about my problems in great detail. I'm a story teller and to be a great story teller, you need to have an understanding of the task at hand, you need to be able to fill in all the holes with detail. I can't talk of my own problems. I don't know where they began and I have no clue when they'll will end. I need clear beginning, middle and end to discuss something on this kind of subject.

I need to stop reading things about her.

Just take a deep breath.

I wonder if this is how she felt.

This hurts more than I thought it would.

I should be getting a 3.0 this semester in grades overall. That's good right? I think. I hope so.

That's if it all goes to plan. FINGERS ARE CROSSED.

This class sucks. I'm not quite sure I understand the grading policy, hopefully my estimations are correct.

I really need to invest in an American flag. Not a cheap one from Walmart. I always stare up at the American flag on campus in front of Murdock Hall, just flapping in the wind. The sky is gross today. A very sad dark grey. It'll probably start raining soon. I want a big American flag. One that is made with pride. Wow, that sounds lame. I just realized, we say we're patriotic, not nationalistic, hm.

I really do want to go see the World but a part of me really does not want to leave this country. That part screams, "You can just go explore the West Coast. Try out Chicago. Maybe move down to Texas. Go see mount rushmore or maybe even the grand canyon. What's stopping you?"

Would I die for my country? Lyrics, movies and books keep bringing that question up to me. Dying is a scary thing. Would I die for love ones? Yes. Would I die for my nation? I'm not sure. I feel like I'd do more help alive than dead. Maybe if this were some Fallout 3 ending, sure but I don't expect that coming out anytime soon. I don't know how all those men fought in those world wars. I don't know how they had the nerve to just run out into battle. I can't believe they had the guts to charge head first into death. It does make me proud to have forefathers who did such actions. Tried to make our country and other parts of the World a better place. I wonder what a lot of them would think about this place now? What would 9/11 be like in their eyes? Would they be proud of the Bush administration? Be proud of the choice the nation made in Obama? So many unanswered questions. I'll never get the answers but that's okay, life has to be mysterious at times. I like to be mysterious, so I can't judge.

I can't sit still forever. I really hope Bowie gets that. I really hope my family understands that.

God made the automobile.

This dormroom story should technically end in one week because I won't be in a dorm in Autumn but I'll keep it going for one more year before I retire this blog and move onto something new. Maybe...

...the Aquaman World Conquest.

School is 3/4 done.  3/4!  That's more than half.  1/4 more.

Love Vigilantes is now my favorite song for this current period in my life.  The Iron & Wine cover at least.  

Bowie has been miserable.  I hate it when he is miserable.  I'm trying to convince him to come live with me in Autumn.   I don't know if it would cure his blues completely but at least temporarily it would.  We always promised each other that we'd get an apartment together but when will I have time?  I don't know.  

Iron & Wine makes me wish I could play acoustic guitar.  Maybe I'll have Bowie or Ray teach me chords or just how to physically play chords.  My hands cannot get like that, I'm a bassist dammit.  Eh, not really a bassist.  I can play bass but I don't.  Ray plans on changing that in the Autumn.

I got a blue-ish rubber ducky today.  I've been contemplating mailing it to Nick.  I think he'd really like it.  He does love Rubber Duckies and I think it'd be a sign of "Hey, hang in there buddy."  Or maybe a lame sign of "Don't drown, keep on floating!"  

Haven't heard back anything involving internships or the such for the summer.  I don't know what the summer brings now, hopefully not another grocery job.  I mean a job is a job in this recession.  I'm no better than any of those people in the grocery stores but I just feel now it is a waste of my mind to be lifting milk crates.  A part of me sometimes will say "You should have dropped out of college and became a grocery store manager," not because it's the smart thing to do but because it'd be a sign of balls, mostly stupidity though.  College is obviously the better choice.  

Will my plan work?  MCLA -> Teaching in Japan ->  Uni Down Under -> London or NYC

It's so far but so close.  I hope I can have Austin or Bowie come with me to Japan or anyone that is my friend really.  I don't want to get lost in translation.  I don't want to be alone in Japan with 100 million other people.  It's just a necessary stepping stone though to get what I need and want out of life.  

One person can make a difference.  Throughout our relationship she always told me that isn't possible anymore.  She was wrong about a lot of things.  She's still wrong about a lot of things.  I do hope she is doing alright though.  I wonder if she voted for Obama.  She must have, hypocrite.  But as Ray said today, "But I thought you were a fan of irony."  I am a man who loves his irony. 

After meeting and going to a Q&A today with Obama's campaign manager, one person can make a difference and can change everything that was yesterday.  But there is a system.  It is a web.  One person can break his part of the web which may or may not eventually lead to the failure of the rest.  There is no way of knowing until their sequence of events is over.  I know I can make a difference.  I wouldn't say Barack Obama, our current President, is the inspiration for me to be all I can be, to do the best I can, but he is another concrete symbol in my eyes.  He stood up against the odds and won.  I want to stand up agaisnt the odds and win.  I do it frequently but I don't want to stop.  

Will I be rich?  Will I be succesful?  

Kenan said to me I'm a big fish in a small pond and he wonders if I'll stick with that for the rest of my life.  There's nothing wrong with being a big fish in a small pond, well there are plenty of things but can lead to a comfortable life as long as the fish is getting plenty of food and oxygen.  He said MCLA is a small pond.  Japan will be a small pond.  Australia will be a small pond as well.  In the business world, I will dominate my way to the top without stress in all of those areas but when you put an influence on a small pond, does word even spread to the surrounding lakes?  Sometimes, yes.  Far from always though.  Going from Down Under to the US of A in the Business World is a very big leap.  I am American, my Father was a vice president of sales, my brother a stock broker.  I read the New York Times and Wallstreet Journal.  I'm a double concentration in Marketing and International Business and will be getting Masters degrees in both, why can't I come back and dominate?  Why not me?  I would however love to get that degree in The Beatles in Liverpool.  

"I never know what's going on in your head."  "When I look into your eyes, I can never figure out what you're thinking."  I hear that too often.  Is that a good thing?  Do people thrive to be mysterious or do you just happen to fall into it?  I just grew up this way.  I know my parents will be shocked when I tell them about going to Japan and then to Down Under.  "I want to be a writer in the Berkshires at MCLA" was a shock to them.  Apparently, my actions come off as a shock initially but when they relook and think it all over, they tell me how it made sense and they expected it always.  My father tells me he sees me writing a screenplay and winning an Academy Award one day.  Bowie's dad always asks me about how the book is coming along, a book that currently does not exist. 

I just stopped writing to fill up my orange juice plastic container that is half a gallon.  I prefer this over glasses, mugs, cups.  

God made the Automobile apparently?  Oh, I just finally understood what he said. *

****

9 friends are a fan of cuddling. Every friend should be a fan of cuddling.

I'm a fan of Gorilla Grape, Newman's Own, Rainbow Cookies and Wings Over/The Hangar.  

Superman is boring.  I don't know why anyone would want to be him.  Being perfect isn't what it's all cracked up to be, I would know.  har har har.

Aquaman is clearly the better superhero.  Actually, Namor is way better than Aquaman in character development but Aquaman's outfit just well, rocks.  I'm bias for orange fishscale spandex, what can I say?  

I offer to you my hand and friendship through the terrible path of lava, black forests and the dark twisted caverns of the evil sister spirits.  

Let's make a video game where you're the princess kidnapped and prisoned in castle and I'm the hero trying my best to go through all the dungeons in hopes of not hearing the bad news of "Sorry, The Princess is in another castle."

someone else has SaveMeAquaMan as their twitter account, fuck them.  

God made the automobile to pass all the pretty girls.  

The smoke by the side of the road, the blues lovin' boys in tow 
To drive to the end of the day and bow to a borrowed flag 
To ride all the brave and the blind, and men without men in mind 

To pass all the things He made and then never bothered to name 
And no one will tell the truth, and no one will hide it from you 
Like birds around the grave 

God made the automobile and I made a little boy 
To pass on the blissfully young, the snake with a forked tongue 
To praise on the wanting for time, and makes in the sleepless waves 
The fear of the Black and the Jew, and blood for the camera crew 

And passes the things He made and then never bothered to name 
And no one can tell the truth, and no one can hide it from you 
Like birds around the grave

NO MY FONT CHANGED.okie, i'm going to write before these lyrics BECAUSE I DO NOT LIKE THIS FONT, if get to this point, well, you already read everything else, this was supposed to be where the ****'s are.

My font is different and I don't like that. 

And the stare from her eyes

Penetrates deeply 

Into the planned calendar 

I've had pinned in my mind

For longer than I can remember

She's looking for her date

She's looking for her month

She's trying to find the years

In my life 

To which we'll be together

July 15th

She's been planning that date

For quite some time now

Or so her friends claim

I hate being the bringer of bad news

But 

July 15th

Isn't for sharing or mutual experiences

It's my date

My birthday 

If I was young I'd flee this town

I'd bury my dreams underground

As did I we drink to die

We drink tonight

Far from home

Elephant Guns

Let's take them down 

One by one

It's not been found

It's not around

Let the seasons begin

It rolls right on

Let the seasons begin

Take the big king down.

I miss writing but I can never figure out anymore the right things to say.  That's sad.  That makes me sad.  

I wish I could play the trumpet or something from the horn section.  Something that could be considered classy and filled with lust.  The bass is neither of that.  

West.

Let's start brewing beer

To help us forget 

It doesn't seem too hard

And the cost seems about right

We'll finally be masters of a trade

And after we've brewed enough

Made enough

I'll be able to take you on the vacation

You always begged for.

Let's start harvesting the grapes

So our wine business will thrive

I know you can't tell the difference

Between Merlot and Syrah 

But that's okay

It's easy to pretend when your heart

Is pumping lust.

What the fuck am I even talking about?

I should be writing a paper not rambling.

Have you ever wondered what goes on

When the soldier returns home?

Nope, have YOU!?

I have one too many photo frames with no pictures inside of them.

"If someone like you didn't smoke cigarettes, I'd wonder why.  They're such a Tim Hughes attribute."  

I've been wondering and thinking a bit too much since I woke up today.  

Kiwis.  You would never expect the outside to match the inside

But once you see both, it makes sense.

You're not exactly sure why the connection is there

But it's just one of those things

You'll never argue for the rest of your life.

She's a Kiwi in more ways than one

And it makes sense.  

It makes total sense.

Why do you get all the love in the World?

Don't you fuckin, know what you are?

The scarecrow once told the children to listen for what the birds are speaking in their deviled tongues.  The raven's midnight sirens never bring good news.  

Despite what is said, the cornfield won't always retain your childhood memories.  Replant the seeds of yesterday.  

Mother never wanted to say 

How your eyes weren't of

Your fathers

No one will know but her

Those golden hazel chestnuts

Were of a random man 

From the bar down the block

Don't worry

Daddy will never know.

The pumpkin patch has never been the same

Year after year

Less and less people come

To sit on the hayride 

That filled their yesterdays

World of tormoil

No more time for childish things

Too Much Caffeine.  

Too Much Milk.

Too Many Sprinkles and Coconut Macaroons.  

BUT I LOVE IT!!!

-Emiliana Torrini- 

Today Has Been Okay

Friends tell me it's spring
My window show the same
Without you here the seasons pass me by
I know you were not new
That loved like me and you
All the same I miss you
Today has been okay
Today has been okay

The preacher lost his son
He's known by all in town
He found him with another son of God
Feeding on the prayer
Nevermind what God said
But love had lost its cause
And I thought today had been okay
Today has been okay
Today has been okay

Wind has burned your skin
The lovely air so thin
The salty water's underneath your feet
No one's gone in vain
Here is where you'll stay
'Cause life has been insane but
Today has been okay
Today has been okay
Today has been okay
Today has been okay

I feel weird.  It's not sadness nor depression.  Maybe it's the lack of food in my system as of lately. 

I don't eat so much lately, why?  I haven't been hungry but that never stopped me before.  This can't be good for me, I have a meal plan now though.  And the school credit for the c-store.  

What am I going to do on my own?  

When I'm in Japan, will I make sure I'm eating all my minerals, vitamins, protein and carb intake?  Or will I just save up and eat nothing but pork and rice because it's well, simply cheap?  

Guero  by Beck is a perfect album.

Say  What Say What?!

Come on now, really? 

Walking across the desert

Has become a cliche

Swimming the seven seas

Really doesn't make a difference

It's all about being here

It's all about the now

It's all about proving to myself 

In front of you

That I'm as strong as fifty men

That I'm smarter than all of the

Novelists who wrote about

Winning over the soul and heart

Of women

The love of your life never seems to care

About your legend

Unless a part of it involves being with her

At home

TQ32R-WFBDM-GFHD2-QGVMH-3P9GC

Danny Elfman is doing the OST for Terminator 4.  I'm excited.  Anything Danny Elfman does is perfecto.  

Giants lost, oh well, it happens, right?  Can't win them all.

My gut has a knot in it and I want it to go away.  Everyone makes stupid mistakes, I make ten.  I try though, I really do try to be a better person after I make a dumb mistake.  

Some things come to bite me back in the ass and that's okay, at the end of the day you gotta take what you're left with.  

If you're left with nothing then well tomorrow you better start finding something to build with.  You best.  

I've done a lot of stupid things in yesterday but today is what matters and thinking about tomorrow.  It's today.  One day at a time Tim Hughes, one day at a time.  Stop getting so bent out of shape over flaws, errors and mistakes.  Stop getting so angry.  Stop getting so mad over your mistakes.  Stop getting mad at other people's fuck ups.  No one is perfect.  No one is fuckin' perfect. 

 It's 2009.  I'm going to put it all behind me.  Things from 2008 will come back to find me, definitely but it's a new year, I'm older, I'm smarter, I'm stronger.  I will not let the past of the previous year come back to haunt this one.  Simply because, that's not how I roll.

The past month, I've heard quite a bit "I don't know what you're thinking," by many different people.  Is that a good thing or a bad thing?

I NEED MUSIC.