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I know someone that collects dead butterflies. I never understood it. Despite what the rest of the World thinks and sees, I always viewed butterflies as fuckin' creepy. Their faces and bodies weird me out. Hm, maybe "She has a butterface" came from butterflies? Nope, I looked too much into it. It means She's hot except for her (but her, butter) face. Lame, I think my idea behind it is so much more creative.
Monday, July 21, 2008
You're the anarchy to my control
I have a blue lamp. I rarely use it.
And if you'd like to know what I think about today, I'll tell you now.
It was just like any other day only the date was changed.
And if you'd like to know what I think about today, I'll tell you now.
It was just like any other day only the date was changed.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Bending Stories
Twisting Words
Just so the bitter can become the sweeter
It's too damn hot out for a coat. I've been stressing this for weeks now but they just can't grasp that concept.
Lemonade.
I'm going to sail the seas one day, you'll see. Despite those bloody tariffs I will move on and conquer economically! You say "Oh, how can you achieve such feats without your precious tea!?" I need not tea. I need not the brown coffee beans. As long as I'm on a ship filled with my pale ale, I'll be able to make a new home in the seventh sea. I'll settle down and change my name so you won't be able to track me. Sir Honeydew no longer works under the red coat army.
Twisting Words
Just so the bitter can become the sweeter
It's too damn hot out for a coat. I've been stressing this for weeks now but they just can't grasp that concept.
Lemonade.
I'm going to sail the seas one day, you'll see. Despite those bloody tariffs I will move on and conquer economically! You say "Oh, how can you achieve such feats without your precious tea!?" I need not tea. I need not the brown coffee beans. As long as I'm on a ship filled with my pale ale, I'll be able to make a new home in the seventh sea. I'll settle down and change my name so you won't be able to track me. Sir Honeydew no longer works under the red coat army.
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Fuckin' in the Bushes
If you really want to see the dark side of life, go to the moon and live in a cave with your ears covered, eyes sewed shut. I'll come get you when the shit has hit the fan.
Nothing quite says "Well, this was fun" like a day spent watching the Carnival burn down. That's one of those rare moments a photo or video just could never capture the pure essence of emotional carnage.
Nothing quite says "Well, this was fun" like a day spent watching the Carnival burn down. That's one of those rare moments a photo or video just could never capture the pure essence of emotional carnage.
Right Where It Belongs
Toothpaste!
It's like pushing metal plastic carts through the desert. Have you ever been to the desert?
No...
Well imagine the desert. How hot do you imagine it to be?
Pretty damn hot.
Yeah, now picture the desert as being black top concrete.
Like a parking lot?
Yeah! Now there's no camels, there's only thousand pound metal objects lined up everywhere preventing you from getting to water. Water being carts.
I'm guessing those metal objects are cars.
RIGHT! And all the arabs in the desert keep stealing all the water and whenever they don't want anymore, they leave so much crap in it!
Are you saying it's so hot in the parking lot that you're hallucinating and thinking its a desert?
No, what are you fuckin crazy? I'm just saying it's hot like the desert, that's it kid.
----
People are insane.
Oh, look out. She came in through the bathroom window. Or so they claim. She's either going to steal from you or sleep with you. Depends on how attractive you are to her. But didn't anyone tell her? Didn't anybody see? You just recently got fired from work, Sunday to Monday, Monday to Tuesday you're now free.
She claims she's always been a stripper. She somehow works 15 clubs a day, which I truly don't believe. She would grab onto my collar and demand to tell her all the secrets I knew about the police department. Since I recently lost my job I had to go find something steady. She only showed up to see what she could steal from Rob.
Oh yeah!?
Let's go out on a high note. The low notes are left for the chumps.
It's probably a lot better if you don't remember anything because if you do remember, uh oh.
What are the two dots between the hour and minutes on clocks called? I say we call them dividers of time.
I can picture myself when I'm older having a garden and despite my lack of love towards it, weeds will always grow to show me even if you refuse to work, life will go on with or without you.
THE BREAK DOWN!?
I'm going to write you a letter about all the good times we used to have. Driving down the highway like we didn't care about the price of gas. I can still remember me always telling you the Barenaked Ladies always said It's All Been Done. Whether you take their word for it or not is all up to you but I'm ready to believe if anyone figured that out, it was definitely the Canadians. I heard you say, The Past Was Much More Fun. Of course you would say the Past is Much More Fun. The Present is only a few seconds, so how can that be more fun than all of the past combined unless at that moment in time you're winning the lottery while orgasming. The future can't be fun until you live it. Man, actually thinking about it now, the Canadians have no clue what they're talking about. I guess that's why they call Ham, Bacon.
I decided to set up an appointment for dinner, okay, a reservation. I prefer the word appointment because when you're having dinner for business, it's more about work than really eating. Never order the clams. Don't ever order the clams. Shrimp is okay. Steak is better. Burger makes you look like a fool. Salad a pansy. Something unique shows you are the curious type with a new approach on life. Remember to not out drink your co-workers. Everyone loves to hate that guy. Oh you don't want to be that guy. Look at the table. If you can't point out which one of them is that guy, you're him. CONGRATS YOU ARE NOW A FOOL! ONE HUGE FOOL! Get your scarf out and choke yourself with it. Wait till Autumn and hang from a tree.
Forever young Forever tough Forever young Forever tough Forever young Forever tough Forever young Forever tough I want you to know you'll never be tough and no one stays young, no matter how many times you tell yourself.
Start with one idea and dance from there. Who knows what partner will be at your side in the end.
My phone is red. Your phone is blue. If you mix them together you get a failure of communication.
The sun doesn't go to sleep. The Moon just rapes it.
It rolls right on. It being the seasons. If you let them begin that is and your plans consist of taking the Big King down. Down to China Down. Down Under. Down the street. Down to the place we once knew as The School Of Hard Knocks. Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B A. That kind of Down. I'm So Down Kinda Down.
I taught that man how to sing. He wanted to sing opera but I decided on country instead. His synthesizers could never get in tune so I taught him how to dance instead. Go to his show every fifth thursday and you'll see the first white man who can sing and play a tube with ease. At the same time that is.
Foreplay/Long Time. The best thing to come out of Boston was the band, Boston. The Band came from Ontario Canada. But no one truly gave a shit about them until Bobby D took them under his wing. That's just how Bobby D was. I knew him well. I know him well. I used to look like him, act like him and out perform him. But it's been such a long time, I think I should get going. Time doesn't wait for me, it keeps on rolling.
DISTANT HIGHWAY YEAH?!
I GOT TO KEEP ON CHASING THE DREAM!!!!
Jethro Tull loves you. Thick As A Brick. I may make you feel but I can't make you think.
LOVE IS IN THE SINK!? MY SINK?!
Interrobang. Let's get going now. You got it? I got it. She's got it. But he's lost it. We'll never know where to go from here but that's okay because he's now lost. We won't ever see him again. You won't ever. She won't ever. But he will because he's lost with himself.
Scooters, Vacation, Fall. All you need to remember is how to head West. Thataway GO!
It's like pushing metal plastic carts through the desert. Have you ever been to the desert?
No...
Well imagine the desert. How hot do you imagine it to be?
Pretty damn hot.
Yeah, now picture the desert as being black top concrete.
Like a parking lot?
Yeah! Now there's no camels, there's only thousand pound metal objects lined up everywhere preventing you from getting to water. Water being carts.
I'm guessing those metal objects are cars.
RIGHT! And all the arabs in the desert keep stealing all the water and whenever they don't want anymore, they leave so much crap in it!
Are you saying it's so hot in the parking lot that you're hallucinating and thinking its a desert?
No, what are you fuckin crazy? I'm just saying it's hot like the desert, that's it kid.
----
People are insane.
Oh, look out. She came in through the bathroom window. Or so they claim. She's either going to steal from you or sleep with you. Depends on how attractive you are to her. But didn't anyone tell her? Didn't anybody see? You just recently got fired from work, Sunday to Monday, Monday to Tuesday you're now free.
She claims she's always been a stripper. She somehow works 15 clubs a day, which I truly don't believe. She would grab onto my collar and demand to tell her all the secrets I knew about the police department. Since I recently lost my job I had to go find something steady. She only showed up to see what she could steal from Rob.
Oh yeah!?
Let's go out on a high note. The low notes are left for the chumps.
It's probably a lot better if you don't remember anything because if you do remember, uh oh.
What are the two dots between the hour and minutes on clocks called? I say we call them dividers of time.
I can picture myself when I'm older having a garden and despite my lack of love towards it, weeds will always grow to show me even if you refuse to work, life will go on with or without you.
THE BREAK DOWN!?
I'm going to write you a letter about all the good times we used to have. Driving down the highway like we didn't care about the price of gas. I can still remember me always telling you the Barenaked Ladies always said It's All Been Done. Whether you take their word for it or not is all up to you but I'm ready to believe if anyone figured that out, it was definitely the Canadians. I heard you say, The Past Was Much More Fun. Of course you would say the Past is Much More Fun. The Present is only a few seconds, so how can that be more fun than all of the past combined unless at that moment in time you're winning the lottery while orgasming. The future can't be fun until you live it. Man, actually thinking about it now, the Canadians have no clue what they're talking about. I guess that's why they call Ham, Bacon.
I decided to set up an appointment for dinner, okay, a reservation. I prefer the word appointment because when you're having dinner for business, it's more about work than really eating. Never order the clams. Don't ever order the clams. Shrimp is okay. Steak is better. Burger makes you look like a fool. Salad a pansy. Something unique shows you are the curious type with a new approach on life. Remember to not out drink your co-workers. Everyone loves to hate that guy. Oh you don't want to be that guy. Look at the table. If you can't point out which one of them is that guy, you're him. CONGRATS YOU ARE NOW A FOOL! ONE HUGE FOOL! Get your scarf out and choke yourself with it. Wait till Autumn and hang from a tree.
Forever young Forever tough Forever young Forever tough Forever young Forever tough Forever young Forever tough I want you to know you'll never be tough and no one stays young, no matter how many times you tell yourself.
Start with one idea and dance from there. Who knows what partner will be at your side in the end.
My phone is red. Your phone is blue. If you mix them together you get a failure of communication.
The sun doesn't go to sleep. The Moon just rapes it.
It rolls right on. It being the seasons. If you let them begin that is and your plans consist of taking the Big King down. Down to China Down. Down Under. Down the street. Down to the place we once knew as The School Of Hard Knocks. Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B A. That kind of Down. I'm So Down Kinda Down.
I taught that man how to sing. He wanted to sing opera but I decided on country instead. His synthesizers could never get in tune so I taught him how to dance instead. Go to his show every fifth thursday and you'll see the first white man who can sing and play a tube with ease. At the same time that is.
Foreplay/Long Time. The best thing to come out of Boston was the band, Boston. The Band came from Ontario Canada. But no one truly gave a shit about them until Bobby D took them under his wing. That's just how Bobby D was. I knew him well. I know him well. I used to look like him, act like him and out perform him. But it's been such a long time, I think I should get going. Time doesn't wait for me, it keeps on rolling.
DISTANT HIGHWAY YEAH?!
I GOT TO KEEP ON CHASING THE DREAM!!!!
Jethro Tull loves you. Thick As A Brick. I may make you feel but I can't make you think.
LOVE IS IN THE SINK!? MY SINK?!
Interrobang. Let's get going now. You got it? I got it. She's got it. But he's lost it. We'll never know where to go from here but that's okay because he's now lost. We won't ever see him again. You won't ever. She won't ever. But he will because he's lost with himself.
Scooters, Vacation, Fall. All you need to remember is how to head West. Thataway GO!
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Oh yeah you say? You sure about that? Well I'm 100% positive I can get you to purchase a super duper ultra mega amazing fantastic monkey for the low low price of a billion wing wangs.
Wigwam IT'S WHAT YOUR MOTHER WARNED YOU ABOUT.
I really don't know you anymore. I've been trying to figure you out for months and it's just not working out. But, good news, I did come up with a back up plan and that is simply
GET DOWN AND BOOGIE!
Let's all get Kangaroos to ride and head towards the horizon. Loser buys everyone else mugs of cold delicious beer!
You smoke fags all the time because you have an addiction. He smokes fags all the time because he's a faggot. See what I did there?
Money doesn't mean everything to me. It just means a lot.
I'll throw a brick through your window if you tease me the wrong way.
I don't trust them anymore. Once the elections ended and the politicians moved in, I've been noticing a lot has changed. Probably for the better but I'm a rebel without a cause so I'll be displeased anyway.
Wigwam IT'S WHAT YOUR MOTHER WARNED YOU ABOUT.
I really don't know you anymore. I've been trying to figure you out for months and it's just not working out. But, good news, I did come up with a back up plan and that is simply
GET DOWN AND BOOGIE!
Let's all get Kangaroos to ride and head towards the horizon. Loser buys everyone else mugs of cold delicious beer!
You smoke fags all the time because you have an addiction. He smokes fags all the time because he's a faggot. See what I did there?
Money doesn't mean everything to me. It just means a lot.
I'll throw a brick through your window if you tease me the wrong way.
I don't trust them anymore. Once the elections ended and the politicians moved in, I've been noticing a lot has changed. Probably for the better but I'm a rebel without a cause so I'll be displeased anyway.
No one is the savior they would like to be
Music makes me smile.
Caps Lock does not.
Blue skies forever above you
Blue sea forever in front of you
Me forever to the side of you
Holding hands is for lovers
Something something something
SOME!
Let's go to the pumpkin patch
I remember in Kindergarten, on a field trip to some farm, everyone in the class got to go pick out a pumpkin. Two girls Jessica and Sam found a pumpkin with my name written on it. I'm not sure if they wrote it or it was truly like that, but that was my pumpkin ! I brought it home and put it in window for everyone to see. The next day it was missing. Everyone in my family denied it was them that disposed of my amazing personal pumpkin until last year. My mom finally told me that she got rid of it b/c the radiator was making it all funky. :[
Looking back, I wonder how many other white lies I was told as a kid.
I got to sit in the front seat for the first time ever in the car because my birthday present was in the back of the car and my mom was afraid I would see it. I was excited.
The little things in life are what make it cute and adorable.
Caps Lock does not.
Blue skies forever above you
Blue sea forever in front of you
Me forever to the side of you
Holding hands is for lovers
Something something something
SOME!
Let's go to the pumpkin patch
I remember in Kindergarten, on a field trip to some farm, everyone in the class got to go pick out a pumpkin. Two girls Jessica and Sam found a pumpkin with my name written on it. I'm not sure if they wrote it or it was truly like that, but that was my pumpkin ! I brought it home and put it in window for everyone to see. The next day it was missing. Everyone in my family denied it was them that disposed of my amazing personal pumpkin until last year. My mom finally told me that she got rid of it b/c the radiator was making it all funky. :[
Looking back, I wonder how many other white lies I was told as a kid.
I got to sit in the front seat for the first time ever in the car because my birthday present was in the back of the car and my mom was afraid I would see it. I was excited.
The little things in life are what make it cute and adorable.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Three Sheets Short Of A Belladonna Cheese Cake
You represent the opposite. The other pole. I'm North, You're South. South is weird.
My neck hurts.
I miss the Earth so much, I miss my wife. Wait, Wife? I'm not married.
What do you do when all the Orange Juice is gone? Will you cry? Will you moan? Will you groan? Will you begin to collect the oranges from the trees and attempt to please by creating your own version of the forbidden juice?
Do what the rest are doing. Move on. Drink Milk. Drink Punches. Be a man and drink your Whiskey.
I'll stick with Water. I'll stick with Lemonade. I'll be the one getting drunk in the shade.
Whether you like it or not Soda is here to say and that's not in our section, that's down in aisle twelve.
So show me your wallet sir. Give me your purse ma'am. Give me your weekly allowance child before I show the exit. I'm the one making demands.
Yogurt, Meat and Cheese. Juice, Milk and Mustard please.
They say the Devil drinks a tall glass of blood before he sleeps. I'm not exactly sure I believe.
Wouldn't blood taste like iron anyway? I'm not a vampire so I don't know but if you do know any let me know, I'll give 'em a ring.
Your money is no good here so please move along. I have tons of other customers who need to get the fuck out of my store NOW.
Every time I pass the lotto machine I wonder if I should spend my hard earned cash on a chance. I think they put it next to where you get paid on purpose. Those bastards.
OMG WHAT IS THIS BUILDING UP TO?!
Oh, it's the Moody Blues. You're Moody when you're Blue.
Mm Mm Mm Mm Mm Mm Orange Listerine. In your belly in your mouth swirl it around and give out a shout!
My pockets are filled with tons of things, things I truly do not need. A wallet filled with IDs, Plastic, Moneys and photos. A pen that I have fallen in love with. A box cutter to help me destroy those damned boxes. A receipt for a donut and a soda. A bottle cap. Keys. Cellular Phone. A nickel. A Penny for your Thoughts. Lint most likely.
I decided to go against the flow and didn't buy you flowers this year. I thought long and hard about what I wanted to get you. It needed to be something you'd always keep. Then it really truly clicked!! I gave you a tattoo in sleep. It's on the back of your head though so you'll never see it.
FIX MY NECK.
Slavery was invented by the stronger man who was too lazy to do is his own bidding.
I keep hearing about this huge party that is about to take place but I don't believe it. I don't believe you. I prefer to be in denial but I just can't believe in myself anymore so I'm going for a run.
My neck hurts.
I miss the Earth so much, I miss my wife. Wait, Wife? I'm not married.
What do you do when all the Orange Juice is gone? Will you cry? Will you moan? Will you groan? Will you begin to collect the oranges from the trees and attempt to please by creating your own version of the forbidden juice?
Do what the rest are doing. Move on. Drink Milk. Drink Punches. Be a man and drink your Whiskey.
I'll stick with Water. I'll stick with Lemonade. I'll be the one getting drunk in the shade.
Whether you like it or not Soda is here to say and that's not in our section, that's down in aisle twelve.
So show me your wallet sir. Give me your purse ma'am. Give me your weekly allowance child before I show the exit. I'm the one making demands.
Yogurt, Meat and Cheese. Juice, Milk and Mustard please.
They say the Devil drinks a tall glass of blood before he sleeps. I'm not exactly sure I believe.
Wouldn't blood taste like iron anyway? I'm not a vampire so I don't know but if you do know any let me know, I'll give 'em a ring.
Your money is no good here so please move along. I have tons of other customers who need to get the fuck out of my store NOW.
Every time I pass the lotto machine I wonder if I should spend my hard earned cash on a chance. I think they put it next to where you get paid on purpose. Those bastards.
OMG WHAT IS THIS BUILDING UP TO?!
Oh, it's the Moody Blues. You're Moody when you're Blue.
Mm Mm Mm Mm Mm Mm Orange Listerine. In your belly in your mouth swirl it around and give out a shout!
My pockets are filled with tons of things, things I truly do not need. A wallet filled with IDs, Plastic, Moneys and photos. A pen that I have fallen in love with. A box cutter to help me destroy those damned boxes. A receipt for a donut and a soda. A bottle cap. Keys. Cellular Phone. A nickel. A Penny for your Thoughts. Lint most likely.
I decided to go against the flow and didn't buy you flowers this year. I thought long and hard about what I wanted to get you. It needed to be something you'd always keep. Then it really truly clicked!! I gave you a tattoo in sleep. It's on the back of your head though so you'll never see it.
FIX MY NECK.
Slavery was invented by the stronger man who was too lazy to do is his own bidding.
I keep hearing about this huge party that is about to take place but I don't believe it. I don't believe you. I prefer to be in denial but I just can't believe in myself anymore so I'm going for a run.
Friday, July 4, 2008
Would you like a second opinion? You are also ugly.
How do you convince a Doctor, who is in denial, he's sick?
I've been pondering this for the past week at work. There must be a way you can do it. Showing graphs, charts and reports could do it but what if he truly stubborn? His way or the highway? He's too caught up in helping others to help himself. If a Doctor needs to call in sick, who will call for the sick?
I feel bad for whoever wants to be a doctor and is cursed with a weak immune system. I don't see how that could be a blessing at all unless of course, they're seeking attention and use their sickness as a form of popularity. Now that would just be plain ol' pathetic.
The only reasoning I could think of with breaking down the mental wall of a doctor like the one I described would be to continue to talk up their ego. Praise them for their work. They've done so much for the community and no one has done anything for them. Yes, they have paid his mortgage, taxes and put his children through college but there's barely any doctors that became doctors for the money. He deserves a break, he deserves attention, he deserves caring. How dare the community not care for him and treat him with the respect he treats them? Doctors make small chat to make you comfortable. Do you make small chat first? No, you're there on a cold table, hoping the Worst isn't happening.
Now, I'm not really talking about actual Doctors, this is all one big metaphor. How do I convince a "Doctor" to stop caring about others, start to care about them self with my help? I might not have a PhD but I did study at the school of Hard Knocks, so trust me, once I get my plan together, I'll have the good ol' doctor coming to my office for a checkup. I'll be told the walls are coming in, the family has turned against them and their loved one isn't helping them the way they were helping them. How can I help?
I'm cynical but this will only hurt for a moment.
I've been pondering this for the past week at work. There must be a way you can do it. Showing graphs, charts and reports could do it but what if he truly stubborn? His way or the highway? He's too caught up in helping others to help himself. If a Doctor needs to call in sick, who will call for the sick?
I feel bad for whoever wants to be a doctor and is cursed with a weak immune system. I don't see how that could be a blessing at all unless of course, they're seeking attention and use their sickness as a form of popularity. Now that would just be plain ol' pathetic.
The only reasoning I could think of with breaking down the mental wall of a doctor like the one I described would be to continue to talk up their ego. Praise them for their work. They've done so much for the community and no one has done anything for them. Yes, they have paid his mortgage, taxes and put his children through college but there's barely any doctors that became doctors for the money. He deserves a break, he deserves attention, he deserves caring. How dare the community not care for him and treat him with the respect he treats them? Doctors make small chat to make you comfortable. Do you make small chat first? No, you're there on a cold table, hoping the Worst isn't happening.
Now, I'm not really talking about actual Doctors, this is all one big metaphor. How do I convince a "Doctor" to stop caring about others, start to care about them self with my help? I might not have a PhD but I did study at the school of Hard Knocks, so trust me, once I get my plan together, I'll have the good ol' doctor coming to my office for a checkup. I'll be told the walls are coming in, the family has turned against them and their loved one isn't helping them the way they were helping them. How can I help?
I'm cynical but this will only hurt for a moment.
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